This week’s chapter on the social and cognitive development of
adolescents should be renamed, “The A-Z bible of understanding Teens.” As a parent, I often marvel at the
behavior of my children. They are wonderful young men, eighty-nine percent of
the time. The other eleven percent
is riddled with arguing over who will eat the last doughnut in the box, take
control of the remote, or who is staring at whom while we’re eating dinner. Chapter eight tells us that adolescence
marks a transition into a time where children are beginning to improve upon
executive functioning and learning how to critically think. Reinforcing that this is a time for
growth and learning in children gives me a renewed patience for some of those
nagging behaviors that drive me insane.
Executive functions are the self-regulating skills that we use everyday
to accomplish almost everything.
These functions help us make decisions, plan and organize, control our
emotions, and shift between situations.
So when I’m wondering why my son is wearing the same pair of pants three
times a week, or how he can function in such a messy room, I think that it is
important to recognize that I should be supporting the development of his
executive processing skills. My
first instinct is always to correct his mistakes, but this week’s chapter made
me wonder how I could support him in making his own decisions. I think that it
would be more beneficial to my son for me to ask questions that help guide his
own thinking, and provide information on why things are acceptable or
unacceptable. If I want to raise a
child with the ability to critically think, to use convergent and divergent
thinking, then I need to be able to support that growth.
I think that another important factor in supporting the cognitive growth
of teenagers is encouraging the development of their own identities. Erik Erikson says that adolescence is
the fifth stage in his psychosocial theory of development, that of identity
versus identity confusion. Erikson
sees adolescence as a time of intensive exploration and analysis of
oneself. Adolescents battle with a
newfound concern with how they appear to others. When the adolescent is at odds with what they do well, for
example being an exemplar student, but not being considered a ‘popular’ kid in
school they can experience some identity confusion. It is essential to help
children develop confidence, set personal goals, and not define their success
in life by the success or standards of others.
I am glad ro hear I am not alone when I am quick to correct mistakes. My husband is also so we really have to watch out. I like when he does it though because it opens my mind to say ok she made a mistake but why. And I believe it is because we didn't teach her better. For example just as small as picking up your plate after dinner and cleaning off to put in the sink for washing. If we don't teach them those small things how will they know. We as parents have that responsibility to show them how to be critical thinkers not only in school but at home. I really enjoyed your blog, it made me LOL :-)
ReplyDeleteBeverly,
ReplyDeleteI really liked the part where you talked about Erikson's identity versus identity confusion. It is really remarkable how much value adolescents place in the image and approval of their peers and/or idols. I work in a high school, where I see so much identity crisis on a daily basis. One day a sophomore girl has dark hair and glasses, the next week she is platinum blonde with colored contacts. Some might suggests that she is just "changing it up." However, I think after reading the text we all can agree that this young woman may be seeking the approval and acceptance of a certain person or crowd by altering her identity to "fit the mold" of something she desires to be, rather that who she really is. Being not TOO far out of my own adolescent years I vaguely remember the search for identity. It can be a very difficult scary time as you had mentioned. I couldn't agree more with you, that all adults who interact with adolescents be it a parent, coach, teacher, or mentor, they need to "help children develop confidence, set personal goals, and not define their success in life by the success or standards of others."
Beverly,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you when it comes to supporting the development of our kid’s executive functions. I too am at fault for always correcting my son’s mistakes. At times I have even found my self running to correct his choices as I watch him on the path to make that same mistake over again. I will always remember your words as they have reinforced what I believe “it would be more beneficial to my son for me to ask questions that help guide his own thinking, and provide information on why things are acceptable or unacceptable. If I want to raise a child with the ability to critically think, to use convergent and divergent thinking, then I need to be able to support that growth.” Not living in a bubble I have noticed and tried to correct my enabling behavior most parents display and have started to talk more about choices. We talk about how he has the ability to make any choice he wishes but he does not have the ability to choose his consequence – and there is always a consequence good and bad. Our talks have had a positive effect on his executive functions as I am sure your talks have benefited your boys for the best. Good luck! You sound like a great parent!